Saturday 8-8-20

11:43am

HOW TO GET OVER HEARTBREAK

I have been through my fair share of heartbreak to be able to relate to how you are feeling at this moment. You may be at the start of your heartbreak or way later down the line, where it has creeped up out of nowhere. I have been through it and got out of the lows of heartbreak, so I would like to share with you ways on how I did this. Don’t worry, you won’t feel this way forever even though that is how it feels right now.

Accept that it is over. Allow yourself to feel all the sadness that you feel now. In order to heal you need to feel the pain first. If you don’t let it all out, it will just be prolonged until you finally do. Keeping all those feelings locked away will not allow you to move on and meet new people. Cry, talk about them endlessly to your friends, eat ice cream and junk food whilst binge watching Netflix. You are ALLOWED to do all these things. It does not make you a weak person. Of course you miss them, you were once in love with them. Though, it does not mean you have to go back to them. You can miss someone and not be with them. Learn to put your happiness first.

Know that it gets better. During the time I was deep in heartbreak, my cousin once told me at a family event that it always gets better. What she said stuck with me and I held onto it to keep me going. I found later down the line that she was absolutely right. When you are in that world of loneliness, you can not see any way out. Most of your time is focused on looking back at the ‘good times’ with your ex, so it is hard to look ahead. Trust me, when you let go of that past, the future is bright. It is full of endless possibilities. What if I told you, that the person you are going to marry is waiting for you to get over your ex, so that they can make you feel loved like you have never been loved before? The quicker you are of letting go of your ex, the closer you are to the person who is meant for you.

Stop waiting for them to come back. Do you really want your ex to come back to you? Do you really want them to hurt you again even if you got back together? There is no point in hoping that every time your phone makes a sound, that it is your ex messaging, only to be met with disappointment every time. They are not going to come back. That is because, they are busy living their own life and not thinking about you as much as you are thinking about them. You may find that they come back sometimes, but most of the time, it is to check if they still have access to you. Messaging them back only makes you fall into their trick, making you look desperate to them. It fulfils their ego to know that they could come back to you anytime they want. This puts you second place, some sort of ‘back up’ incase they can’t find anyone better. You are wasting your time on someone who does not waste any time on you. Holding onto the idea that they will come back is what keeps you trapped. Even if they do come back begging to be with you again, do you think it will last? In most cases, they repeat the same pain they give you. Imagine loving yourself enough to not go through this pain again and finding someone who never puts you through that. Your ex is preventing you from finding true happiness. The person meant for you won’t exist until you give them the opportunity to.

Remind yourself of the reason why you’re not together. When we miss someone, we tend to create a halo over them in our minds. They appear to be the most perfect human to us in our heads. Irreplaceable. This is one of the reasons why distance makes the heart grows fonder. It is easy to remember only the good memories and the attractive things about that person you miss. In moments where you catch yourself thinking of all these happy moments, also remember the bad moments. Remember the things you didn’t like about your ex, the things they did that made you angry or upset. Remember the arguments you had and the unattractive things about them that you made yourself get over. This will help you to remember that they aren’t as special as you make yourself think they are.

Destroy that future. One of the biggest causes of heart break is a broken future. I found that, what made me most upset about the break up, was the realisation that our future we pictured together, no longer exists. I know it is difficult because a life with them later looked perfect, but, to be able to get over the heart break, you need to let go of that vision. It was not meant to be, because something better is in store.

Find ways to distract yourself. A lot of the times, when we are alone, this is where the thoughts of your ex start to creep in. This is because in moments like these we have nothing to distract us. One way to get over heartbreak is to stay occupied. Stay busy. Whether that being talking to your friend on the phone for hours, working on yourself at the gym or developing at your career, spending time with family etc. The list is endless. Just don’t allow your ex to stop your growth or happiness. This is because, later, when you are over them, you will laugh at yourself as to how you let someone so small, make you feel that way, as you would have met someone way better.

I know that it is very hard to get out of heartbreak, because they were once your world. But I know you can do it and I want you to find that person who will cherish you, make you feel loved, and never let you experience this type of pain again.

Try out these tips and with time, I promise you that things will get better. Your smile will come back again 🙂

Share this with someone you love and want to get better because you care about their happiness a lot.

Love always,

Raquel