Tuesday 19-5-20



So there is this guy you like and you are tired of waiting for him to take you seriously. He might say he does but he doesn’t really act like it. There is no progress and you’re stuck in a ‘situationship’ (there is no title but you do basically everything a couple does). I have been in this place before where I really wanted the guy I liked to take me more seriously. I wanted a relationship.

Through reading and watching informative videos I learnt some effective ways to make him see you as wife material and want to make things official. I have found that these three ways really helped with entering that conversation of having a relationship. You can try these out and see if they make any difference, which I am sure will. Don’t forget to thank me though because I am about to spill all the secrets. Please note that I am not a relationship expert but sharing information based on my experience.

Maintain your standards. One very important thing I learnt on how to make him wife you (make you his girlfriend), is that you have to have standards and STICK to them. You cannot state that this is what you don’t like, then allow him to do those same things to you. This would make him walk all over you. Your words wouldn’t mean anything to him. He would know that if he were to do the things you hate, the worst thing you would do is get angry and that’s it. He would learn that he can get away with things and so would continue to repeat it.

You need to pick your fights well. Don’t quarrel over things that you know aren’t strong enough to make you want to leave him. Only make a fuss over major situations so that he knows you only get mad about serious things. If you wait to get angry over serious actions, he wouldn’t know what consequences he would face if he were to do them. He would fear the unknown and rather avoid finding out. If you DO NOT respect yourself he definitely will not respect you. There should be some things you do and do not accept. For example, If you don’t like him commenting on other girls photos, and he does after you have told him this, don’t speak to him for a couple of hours. Then when you feel over it, talk to him again, letting him know that you don’t like when he does that and will not continue to speak to him if he does it again. If he does it again, you can stop talking to him for good.

Don’t go back on your word and allow him to do what you hate, just because you like him. Otherwise you will be miserable for as long as you are with him and you DON’T have to be. There are plenty of guys who have the mature capability of not doing something as simple as that, especially if he likes you enough. A guy who wants to be with you, will respect your boundaries. If he knows he can lose you easily from doing what puts you off, he won’t do it because he would not want to risk losing you. You are the prize. 

Understand that it is HIS loss if he loses you. He will miss out on the love you have in store for him. Someone else who can accept your standards will be worth all of that. You DO NOT have to settle just because you have feelings for him. He WILL NOT change unless he WANTS to. If he does not want to change then he does not want you enough. Choose your happiness first. If his actions make you feel bad, it is not worth being with him, as he does not care enough to make you happy. I know it is hard to let go of someone you have a lot of feelings for but you really have to practise being able to let go of things that bring you down. The faster you end things with someone bad for you, the closer you are to the person who will treat you right. Side note, make sure your standards are reasonable. When I talk about standards I mean in terms of how he treats you. I do not mean only allowing guys to talk to you that are 6ft, with a good body and 5 cars. There is way more to a person than just their looks or possessions. We will discuss that in more detail on another post. 

Make him value you. There are a lot of ways to make him value you. One way I found was to allow him to invest In you. Let him take you out, pay for things and buy you gifts if he wants to. Some guys enjoy taking care of things, it makes them feel masculine. The more he spends on you the more he invests in you. There is nothing wrong with allowing him to pay for everything. You deserve nice treatment. You can also treat him some days too. There is no problem with a guy who cannot afford to do these things. They can also invest in you by surprising you with your favourite sweets, making you a playlist they know you would like etc. Anything that makes him put time and effort into making you happy. You now become someone he has spent a lot of time and attention on. 

Another way to make him value you is to allow him to appreciate the time you give to him. One tactic I learnt on how to do this is called being hot and cold. When you are with him, give him the most love and attention. When you are away from him, give him less. This way he misses being with you in person and would want to see you more. This is because he knows he will get more love from you when he sees you. This works with messaging too. Sometimes you can text him the whole day, even message him first. Then the next day you can not let him hear from you at all. This contrast make him question it and want more of your loving side, It is just like giving someone something they like and taking it away from them. They would want more of it when they get it again. 

Distance makes him crave you more. The more he does not hear from you the more he thinks about you. You would begin to occupy his mind and make him wonder what you are up to. Make him wonder why he has not heard from you. Soon, you would find he calls and messages you often all on his own. He now puts all the effort in talking to you. It should not be the other way round with you constantly texting him and on his case about his slow replies. This only pushes him away and makes him find you annoying, because you are always there. To him, he can message or call you anytime because he knows you will always answer. People value and desire things that are hard to get. Talking to him when you have the time, makes him know that you have other things to do and that he is not the only thing you think about. Be occupied, whether that is with work or doing the things you enjoy. Whenever he finally gets your time, make sure he has a great time. This way he will always look forward to being with you as he associates happiness with you. 

Be his peace. Carrying on from my other point earlier, make sure whenever he is with you, that he is happy. No guy likes to talk to a girl who he knows, when he speaks to you, all you do is complain. He does not want to hear you question him on his slow replies or why he hasn’t called you. You sound clingy, like you have been waiting to hear from him all day. A lot of guys find this to be a turn off. Rather, get all these questions out to your girls. Rant to your friends so that you don’t rant to him. If anything you could make a joke about his bad texting so it comes off like it didn’t bother you but rather something he should fix. Before you think of getting on his case about everything he is doing wrong, imagine someone like your mum calling you just to complain about why you haven’t done this or that. It is irritating right? Wouldn’t you avoid her calls? 

You want him to open up to you. Unlike girls, guys don’t have the type of conversations where they talk about their feelings with their boys. A lot of them lack this emotional connection with someone. If he can tell you about how he feels, whether that being on something that has upset him, or how his day went in DETAIL, then you become his peace instantly. He would have a unique relationship with you and you would be hard to replace as he would only get this emotional comfort from you. You become the only person he can show his sensitive side to. If you were to comfort him and listen to his complaints without judging him, he will slowly fall more and more in love with you because he knows you will always be there to give him that kind of love.

Now whenever something happens, he will think of reporting to you first before anyone else, because he knows he will be met with a loving and understanding girlfriend, rather than his boys who will bash him for acting ‘soft’ or being too emotional. This is a really effective way in making him take you more seriously as he will always want that person there to bring him happiness. To make him open up, you would have to be open with him first, so that he feels less judged about any emotions. For example, sharing a deep secret about yourself, showing him that you trust him (only do this if you actually do trust him). Make sure whenever he is with you he feels good about himself. He shouldn’t associate you with any negativity otherwise he will be less wanting to be around you. 

I found that the more I caught feelings for someone, the more irritable I became and quick to start arguments. This was because I began to care too much. Small things they would do would make me angry as I like them a lot. Things like not hearing from them all day, or not getting enough of their time to name some. They began to say that I was changing and not the same person from the start. This is because the person I was in the beginning did not care. It didn’t bother me that I didn’t have their time or attention. I even took for granted all their efforts to get to know me, I only messaged when I was bothered to. I went on dates with them only when I had nothing else to do.

This version of me was more attractive to them because I was not behaving clingy. Since that guy told me I changed, it made me pay attention to how I behave at the start of any conversation with someone new. I then made the conscious effort to maintain this same behaviour throughout the rest of our time together. Over time I naturally adopted this behaviour of not being so clingy and remaining occupied with my own things. When I would hear from them I would still be able to give them happiness as I was no longer angry about how much time they give me, because I was too busy to notice. 

These are just a few things I have learnt a long the way which made a big difference in being taken more seriously. If I did not have standards, I wouldn’t give my time to the right guys or be with someone who respects me. Without allowing him to see my value or associate me with happiness, I wouldn’t make him want to be with me long term. I am not saying this applies to every guy but from my experience, this is what has helped me with my confidence and what allowed me to not waste my time with guys who don’t really want to be with me.

I hope this helped.

Love always,

Raquel ♡