Friday 15-5-20



I know what you’re thinking. How can I see you? How can I possibly say, WITH confidence, that you are not ugly, when I do not know what you look like. Maybe you have thought about someone you know that is ugly, ready to argue against my statement. What if I tell you that by the time you finish reading this journal, you will never have a reason to feel ugly again?

Growing up, I always felt extremely ugly. I would think my nose is too big, my lips are too huge and my skin is horrible. It didn’t help when other classmates would point out these insecurities and make it something to laugh about. It got to the point where I felt like whenever someone was laughing around me, that they were laughing about me. Boys definitely took no interest in me, or if they did, it was usually just as a joke. Thinking about it, this is probably one of the reasons why I used to have severe trust issues. It took me a long time to take a guy seriously when he genuinely wanted to get to know me. To avoid bullying, most of my days were spent feeling alone. At secondary school, whenever it was time for break or lunch, I would go straight to line up outside of the library to make sure I got a good seat to sit alone. I remember reading the same line over and over again of the same book until break was over. I was too lost in my head to focus on what I was reading. To be honest I only read a book to be allowed to stay in the library. Anyway that is a different story. Fast forward to today, I am a completely different person. I have learnt to love myself completely and wouldn’t change a thing. This is definitely down to life experiences, what i’ve read and the people I have met along the way. I know that you can become happier too. I would like to share with you some important things that truly helped me to grow confident and feel more attractive over the years. 

The person who is meant for you, will love you for you. Before we think about attraction, let us first think of why we want to be attractive. We want to be attractive to feel good about ourselves, to attract who we like, to eventually be loved and desired by someone. Ultimately, this is someone who you would want to spend forever with, maybe marry and start a family. If not, you’re wasting your time (well unless you enjoy having flings here and there). Btw, If you decide to get into a relationship with someone, know that the end result is always marriage, children or being with them until you’re old. if you don’t plan on having any of these things with them, it will always end as a heartbreak. So why be with someone just to break up later? That is both of your time WASTED. Remember that before you agree on being with someone. We will get more into that on another post. Back to this, if that person who you want to attract, is someone who you want to be with forever, wouldn’t you want it to be someone who loves you for you? That means, loving the you without make up, the you without a nice trim, the you in scruffy clothes, the you with morning breath, the you who hasn’t showered for a few days, the you who gets sick and needs a shoulder to lay on. The person who loves this version of you is the person who will love you no matter what. Meaning, all they love, is what makes you, you. This is your personality, your soul, the things you like, the things that make you happy, the good things about you, the bad things. Your outer appearance then only becomes a bonus. Character is a big factor in increasing ones attraction. You can therefore never be ugly because the one who is meant for you will always see you as beautiful. 

You create your own reality.  One of the really important things that I learnt on this journey, is that you create your own reality. What you believe wholeheartedly, is what eventually becomes true. If you spend every single day, telling yourself that you’re ugly, rejecting other people’s compliments by responding with your own negative belief such as ‘oh no you’re just saying that, I look horrible’, then you are encouraging those thoughts. I want you to wake up every morning saying ‘I am beautiful’. Say ‘thank you’ whenever someone tells you something that they like about you. The more you tell yourself something the more you become it. Your behaviour changes naturally, what type of friends you make, even the type of people who gravitate towards you changes. Saying good things over your life rather than bad greatly affects your happiness and self confidence. Just to throw in a cheeky example, lets look at Muhammad Ali, Cristiano Ronaldo and Nicki Minaj. What do these three great talents have in common? They all believe in themselves 100%. They all describe themselves as the greatest in their fields unapologetically. They stated this as fact throughout their entire career until they really were one of the greatest. 

How you treat others matters. As mentioned earlier, being ugly is not all about outer appearance. Personality plays a big part. Ugliness not only describes appearance but behaviour too. You can see the most beautiful person, and discover later that they have the most evil intentions. The way one acts, speaks, behaves, all affects how attractive someone is. You may be someone who always wondered why incredibly beautiful women can fall in love with a man who you consider unappealing. This is because he either has STRONG game, he believes that he, himself, is attractive so he carries himself that way, or that he has a big heart (or just being wealthy helps some). I was once told, to really see how ones character is, watch how they speak to waiters. Do they say thank you after being served by them? Also look at how they interact with other strangers. Do they treat everyone with respect? Are you the only one who thinks that they are a good person? I know some girls might like this behaviour. That is on you. You would only find later that he will also treat you like rubbish. Again, that is for another post. Being a good person, who is respectful in how they treat others, makes a huge impact on your attraction. This way you can never be ugly as it is all under your control.  

You are not ugly because the one you would want to spend forever with, already sees you as beautiful in every way. You are in control of your own thoughts, so you can choose to wake up feeling beautiful. The way you treat others is in your hands, if you treat others with love, you will receive love. Your character is what truly makes you beautiful.

I will end this part one, with some quotes I found impactful. 

‘’Accept yourself, love yourself and keep moving forward. If you want to fly, you have to give up what weighs you down.’’-Roy T. Bennet

‘The sooner you be you, the sooner the people looking for you, will find you.’ 

‘’Go and love someone exactly as they are. Then watch how quickly they transform into the greatest, truest version of themselves. When one feels seen and appreciated in their own essence, one is instantly empowered.’’

Love always, 

Raquel ♡